MONDAY MUSINGS | NOTE TO SELF: THE KEEP PUSHIN’ EDITION

This was a note that I posted on my personal Facebook account, last Thursday. I thought that I would share it here too, because it’s quite relevant to my Monday Musings series. I pray that this post will bless you and remind you that whatever you’re going through, you are not alone!

 

Keep pushin’.

 

The month of September has been very interesting. There are a couple of things that I want to share that I am realizing and remembering, that in turn could possibly help current me, future me & could possibly help you.

  • Grow through what you go through. | There have been trying situations where my faith was tested, I stepped out of character, my stress levels peaked and my anxiety flared. Through it all, everything has all made me stronger. It’s reminded me of what I need to do, what I need to work on, how I don’t want to be, what & who I want to incorporate/keep in my life and reinforced my values. If I were to remain stagnant through these lessons, then that is on me. But I am choosing to rise above and continue to put in the work.
  • Radiate love. | This has been very tough. But again tieing in with the point above and below. I choose how I act and react to each situation. I am choosing to show love even when it’s easier to show something else.
  • I am responsible for me and no one else. I CHOOSE. | I can only do me. I can’t control Susie Q or anyone else. I can only control me. I can choose what I allow to affect me. I can choose how I spend my time. I can choose what I put my focus on. It’s all a choice.
  • Choose wisely. | Certain things or people aren’t worth your time. Point blank. Period. Wish them the best. Pray for them. But move on. Take care of you. | I am the most important person in my life. {Thank you Mama!}
  • Know Your Worth. | Self-explanatory.
  • Above all, God. | To each their own, but God is who I believe in. He is the head of my life. I am thankful for the love of the Father. Forever and always.

That’s all I got. I’m still trying to adult just like everyone else. All I know is that September has taught me so many things. I am grateful for the lessons. I am thankful for God calling out things I need to work on to be a better me and reminding me of my worth. I am extremely thankful for my family. Without their support, I wouldn’t be where I’m at today. And I’m thankful for me. That I didn’t give up when the days got dark. That I continue to keep it pushing no matter what. That I have not and will not fail because God is within me.

No one said that this journey would be easy. However, I know that it is all worth it.

Be blessed, VIXI fam! ♥

xx C

Monday Musings | Unconditional Love

Elevation Church
Elevation Church

God can’t redeem the regrets you don’t release.
(via Elevation Church)

Let’s get personal for a second – throughout my time on the interweb, I have been very transparent about my personal struggles with depression and anxiety. I have posted various blogs, deleted various blogs (lol) and reached out in different ways. I wanted to be transparent because one, I didn’t want to feel alone and two, as a Black woman/Black person it’s important to say ‘Hey! We aren’t alone! YOU aren’t alone!’

Sometimes I hate putting myself out there because I don’t want to just bond with you all in misery. (I also don’t want to sound like a leaky faucet that never got fixed.) I want to bond and celebrate in joy as well! At times, I often wonder if I have been using depression and anxiety as my identity, as a crutch. To make a platform solely on that stance? With an attitude of defeat? That is not something that I want. Ever.

While I want to be real and transparent, I don’t want to give so much of myself that I don’t know who I am anymore. For the past 5-7 years, I have been in a transition phase. I feel that I have been searching for something. Something to define me – that defines me. How I define myself… What I’m saying is is that this constant state of transition can make you wonder who you really are. Although I’ve mentioned this before, I believe that I am comfortable enough to say that although this transition phase is challenging, it is necessary, rewarding, uplifting and slightly nervewracking.

Regrets, I try not to have them. But, if I’m being honest, and I am, I have regrets. I think of all the things that I had control over and how I didn’t care for them, how I didn’t care for myself. How I let things fall, myself fall when I had control over it. How situations happened and because I was weak, I bartered my soul. How I followed the crowd when I’ve always been told to stand out. How I followed standards instead of setting and following my own. How I trusted various people but yet they have put so little trust in me. How I am still packing things from years ago right now. How I’m learning to unpack them right now.

*Whew.*

I am so thankful for a God of unconditional love.

I don’t have all the answers and I’m still taking things one step at a time, but I am finally in the releasing stage. God has been too good to me and so many good things are happening around me, to me. I have to remember to take a breath and enjoy and have gratitude for where I was, how far I have come and where I am now.

“May I never forget that on my best day I still need God as desperately as I did on my worst day.”

xx C