It’s all about faith when you’re creating with your soul.
to do something with soul, creativity or love; when you leave a piece of yourself in your work
Words hold a special meaning to me. From reading to writing, I remember words always took care of me. They allowed me to have friends, to feel safe, to remember that it was okay to dream, that it was okay to fall in love, to have adventure and that fairy tale endings are indeed real. Words have always equaled me.
When I started my college / university journey, I believe that I lost my love for words. Reading became tedious and writing was a total bore.
Let’s go back in time for a bit. . .
I remember my senior year of high school and be scared. Being absolutely petrified to go to college. I would start college applications and never finish them because I didn’t believe that I was smart enough to go to college. I remember my dream of becoming a doctor and how I figured that would never happen. So I sold myself short. I didn’t believe in myself and only “officially” applied to a community college.
Now, there is nothing wrong with community colleges. They are definitely more affordable and give you a chance to get your ish together before you finish your undergrad at a university. However, I thought (for whatever reason) that this was my only option. Because of comparison, to friends, other students and what I thought people were doing, I didn’t have enough of faith in myself to go for what I wanted. Or at least what I thought I wanted. Granted, my dream of being a doctor changed, and that’s fine, but I didn’t learn because I went down a spiral that took until recently to finally realize…sort of realize what I want.
Right now, I am in my senior year of university and December 2017 is close, yet still so far away. I have realized that Public Relations could indeed be a nifty career, but it’s not something that I am super passionate about. I realized that I do love writing and reading and words and learning and I definitely want to make that a part of my career. I have realized that creating content and traveling around the world is one of my goals and if I could paid to do it? Well, I would be more than pleased. I realized that I hate university. Add in the way the system works, depression & anxiety and I am completely over it. However, even with all of this, I will still work toward my Master’s Degree and my Doctorates because learning excites me and makes me happy. (Also getting paid more is wonderful and being a Woman of Color, education will be a essential for my success. And making my parent’s proud is something that will make me feel like I did somehting right.)
The reason I titled this post “Merkai” is because I always bounce back and forth between being candid, trying to be cool and not lose myself in the process. I tend to be an over-sharer because I want to connect, I crave that connection, for whatever reason. But most importantly, the work that I do from now on, whether that be creating content or turning in assignments, I want to leave a piece of me in my work. I want to continue to be passionate despite the odds. I want to be genuine and sincere and be the best Ciara that I can be.
So here’s what I want to work on to stop selling myself short and creating and living with a soul of passion.
- Faith. – No matter what happens, I want to have faith in God and in myself, that things will work out how they are supposed to
- Trust the Process – Life is a journey. There are ups and downs and plenty of moments to learn. I am not exempt. Everything that I experience in life is a process. Trust that everything will work out how it is supposed to
- Live. – This can be easier said than done – but I have to truly live. I have to stop halting my life. I deserve to live, not just exists.
- No More Comparisons. – At first I was going to put un-healthy comparisons, but no more comparisons in general. I have a lane. And sure there are things that I want and sometimes I have convinced myself to believe I need, but no more. Things will come into my life when they are supposed to. What is meant for me, is for me.
Here’s to living life with soul. With passion. With the faith that I have everything I need to achieve my dreams and my wildest possibilities. To being me un-apologetically. And thanks to me who worked hard to get to where I am now, to the work that I am doing in this moment, and to the future me who is everything I imagined I would be and more.