For the past few months, it’s been hard to sit down and make content for this blog. As someone who has been blogging…forever (think middle school), I started blogging as a way to connect to someone, anyone for that matter. On Blogger, I made my first blog and several blogs later, I finally started connecting with people. I had some sort of a following, had a couple of blogger buddies and looked forward to creating content.
Let’s get personal for a second – throughout my time on the interweb, I have been very transparent about my personal struggles with depression and anxiety. I have posted variousblogs, deleted various blogs (lol) and reached out in different ways. I wanted to be transparent because one, I didn’t want to feel alone and two, as a Black woman/Black person it’s important to say ‘Hey! We aren’t alone! YOU aren’t alone!’
Sometimes I hate putting myself out there because I don’t want to just bond with you all in misery. (I also don’t want to sound like a leaky faucet that never got fixed.) I want to bond and celebrate in joy as well! At times, I often wonder if I have been using depression and anxiety as my identity, as a crutch. To make a platform solely on that stance? With an attitude of defeat? That is not something that I want. Ever.
While I want to be real and transparent, I don’t want to give so much of myself that I don’t know who I am anymore. For the past 5-7 years, I have been in a transition phase. I feel that I have been searching for something. Something to define me – that defines me. How I define myself… What I’m saying is is that this constant state of transition can make you wonder who you really are. Although I’ve mentioned this before, I believe that I am comfortable enough to say that although this transition phase is challenging, it is necessary, rewarding, uplifting and slightly nervewracking.
Regrets, I try not to have them. But, if I’m being honest, and I am, I have regrets. I think of all the things that I had control over and how I didn’t care for them, how I didn’t care for myself. How I let things fall, myself fall when I had control over it. How situations happened and because I was weak, I bartered my soul. How I followed the crowd when I’ve always been told to stand out. How I followed standards instead of setting and following my own. How I trusted various people but yet they have put so little trust in me. How I am still packing things from years ago right now. How I’m learning to unpack them right now.
I am so thankful for a God of unconditional love.
I don’t have all the answers and I’m still taking things one step at a time, but I am finally in the releasing stage. God has been too good to me and so many good things are happening around me, to me. I have to remember to take a breath and enjoy and have gratitude for where I was, how far I have come and where I am now.
I truly believe that being positive is the key to success. Sure there are other things, such as passion, motivation, speaking things into existence, but it all starts with having the right mindset. As someone who has experienced depression, I am quite aware of how the smallest inkling of doubt can turn into a massive plague that can start to destroy your mind. During these times it can be hard for me to find peace. Peace is so important. It’s important to be able to tune out the chaos around you, focus, and find your center. While I haven’t figured out the key to always obtaining peace (or how to get airlines to give me plane tickets for free…), I do know that relying on my faith is the way that I weather the storm.
Here are a few of my favorite quotes, scriptures, “reminders” (as I affectionately title them) that I use to help create a peaceful atmosphere when I feel the waves are crashing around me.
Holy Spirit, You are welcome here Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere Your glory, God, is what our hearts long for To be overcome by Your presence, Lord Your presence, Lord
Hello everyone! Welcome to SIX:ELEVEN! I am so excited to share my journey with you. I figured that this would be a good way to introduce myself to you and to my blog. I want you all to know that you are welcome here. You are welcome to chill, relax, leave words of encouragement and share your story. SIX:ELEVEN is not only an outlet for me, but an outlet for you to be yourself, just as you are.
To find out more about SIX:ELEVEN’s purpose, click here. To find out more about me, click here.
God, I am so grateful to you for your mercy and your love. Allow me to use this platform to glorify you.